As a whole the aim of my performance is to translate some of the feelings that I went through after being ‘r.a.p.e.d’.
But for me, the hardest thing about it all is too actually say it, hence why I have spelled it out as though I was spelling it. For me, by saying it I become vulnerable and that becomes the thing that people judge me on. I think this has been biggest challenge for me when composing my piece, as I have been struggling to decide how to say it to an audience.
Recently however I have come to a decision that this struggle should be part of the performance itself. So how do I integrate this into the performance? Well seeming that the other characteristic of performance is childlike qualities I thought it would be a good idea to find a famous children’s fairy tale that could be warped into telling the story of what happened to me. I think it would be a good idea to have the original version of the fairy tale and then create an new adaptation of the story. This could possibly done through a video format.The story that I think would be good for this is Little Red Riding Hood as this is a story about trust, disguise and naivety.
In his article discussing the Grimm’s Fairy Tales, Richard Cavendish wrote “Expressing their hopes and joys, fear and sorrows, the tales were profoundly significant for children and adults alike” (2012, pg.8). Fairy Tales are things that everyone can relate to, they are known and told throughout different cultures and they cover so many emotions. I think referring to fairy tales could be a strong feature in my performance.By using a fairy tale it also fits in well to the concluding part of the pieces which are the nursery rhymes that I have adapted from the originals to my own version. I think this will give a well structured flow to the piece.

Works Cited

Cavendish, Richard (2012) ‘The Publication of Grimm’s Fairy Tales’, History Today, Volume 62, Number 12, p.8.

Previously I have mentioned the possible use of nursery rhymes. However to add my own personal and sinister twist I have decided to take certain nursery rhymes and re write or continue them in a very dark way. I will begin with the original rhyme to give the audience a warped sense of comfortability and then they will get progressively more disturbing.
The first nursery rhyme that I wrote a continuation of was Georgie Porgie as I thought it could cleverly link in with my theme of rape.

Georgie Porgie

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry
When the boys came out to play
Georgie Porgie ran away.

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Touched the girls and made them cry
When the girls didn’t want to play
Georgie Porgie made them stay.

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Hurt the girls and made them cry
When the girls said not today
He wouldn’t let them hit the hay.

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Abused the girls and made them cry
When the girls tried to get away
Georgie Porgie pinned them where they lay.

Georgie Porgie pudding and pie
Raped the girls and made them cry
It didn’t matter what they’d say
He said if they told he’d make them pay.

When we think of what we associate with children, we think games, playing, nursery rhymes and fairy tales. All on first appearances come across as innocent and fun, however many games, nursery rhymes and fairy tales have very sinister hidden meanings or origins. This fact sits well with the sudden change in atmosphere that I wish to create in my performance.

I have been trying to think of how I can create a playful environment for the audience and have come up with the idea that the interactive element of my performance could be a series of games that the audience will play. I have thought of games that will specifically make the audience feel vulnerable and that will require them to put a certain level of trust in but that also have fairly sinister undertones. Examples of these games are …

Kiss Chase
Blind Man’s Bluff
Hide and Seek
Wink Murder

My main concern for my solo performance was that I didn’t want it to be an awkward monologue of me talking about rape. I wanted it to be more than just a story based performance detailing what happened, where and when. It is because of this that I decided that I wanted my performance to be primarily interactive with the audience. I aim to create a feeling of nostalgia for them and in doing so remind them of how they felt and how they acted when they were children, through this I wish to highlight the innocence and naivety that is associated with children.

But why am I making this link between a story of a rape and the behaviour of a child?

Due the the autobiographical nature of the piece the story element of my performance, being the rape, is actually something that I have gone through myself when I was 19 years old. For me, the man who actually did it, was someone who I knew very well and someone who I trusted and considered to be a friend. I was in a situation where I put my trust in him. At the time that it happened I partly blamed myself, thinking that I was naive and that maybe I did something to make him think that he either could or should. It was only after talking about it with those closest to me when I realised that I wasn’t to blame and that it was him in the wrong.

For me it is the naivety and trust that I had which allowed me to make the link with the naivety and trusting nature that children have. By creating a childlike nostalgia for the audience I hope to establish a safe and trusting environment and atmosphere for them and then shockingly changing this atmosphere to something extremely dark and sinister, allowing them to have some understanding of the way that I felt.

As discussed in one of my earlier posts the next step to creating my performance would be to ground it in a context. The context here being which adult situation the child version of myself would be talking about. Being autobiographical it should be a situation that was specific to me and that I experienced myself. Also from my research on Whoopi Goldberg I decided that I wanted the thing that I would be discussing to be something quite dark but handled in a playful way.

” ‘First find a subject that you are passionate about,’ is still the best piece of advice for any would be solo performer ”  (Armstrong,2011, pg.3).

I want to challenge myself, to do something that scares me and that will be difficult but powerful, something that is personal to myself. Due to this I have decided that the event that I will be discussing within my performance will be a rape. I don’t necessarily intend to discuss how it happened or the event itself, but I more plan to deal with the feelings behind the situation. The emotional scars that they leave and how it affects they way you are and the way you live you life.

When people discuss rape whether it be in the press or just in general speculation they often tend to talk about the offender and the punishment, its very rarely shared how the victim has been affected. I think that my performance will therefore give a fresh out look on it, making for an emotional, deep and personal performance.

Works Cited

Armstrong, Gareth (2011) So You Want To Do A Solo Show?, Nick Hern Books Limited